I remember it like it was yesterday…but actually it was 5 years ago….
It was a gray, breezy, cold day in October. Manuel and the kids were out raking leaves in our 1.7 acre wooded lot. I was in my kitchen; wearing my favorite apron (a Mother’s Day gift from a couple years before—it featured multiple hand prints of my children). The smell of freshly ground whole wheat bread baking in the oven wafted through the air. Oh yes, I will never forget that day. You see, it was the day that my darling husband broke my heart!
What on earth did he do that day that broke my heart? It’s funny NOW to look back upon it and remember my hurt, my reaction and yes even my anger. But,you see, I had been conditioned. Like many of you, I had read all the books, and internet websites and blogs that told me exactly what I needed to do, to be a good helpmeet to my husband. I knew that baking fresh made bread was one of the most important things a Godly wife and mother did for her family.
My darling husband, well you see, he didn’t read the same books I had, and he hadn’t read the same blogs I had…no, he actually had a whole different perspective!
Long drawn out sigh—But alas, onto my story
Here I stand, basking in the glory of being a domestic goddess. The aroma from the bread was heavenly, the whisper mill was washed, and I was much like a Cheshire cat—mighty pleased with myself I was! Into my kitchen domain walks my darling Manuel. “Honey” he says, in a sweet, yet slightly frustrated voice, ‘Do you think you could come outside and help us rake these leaves. There is a supposed to be a storm tonight and I really want them raked and burned before the rain” “But sweet heart” I protested, “Did you notice this amazing “made from scratch” bread I have prepared you. I plan to fix you a nice sandwich with fresh baked bread now.” Then came the words, that cut me to the quick, “But honey, I really need you outside with me. I love your bread I really do, but if you could help me, I would gladly go to the store and buy you a couple loaves of bread”.
BUY bread….sputter, sputter…why that is akin to blasphemy!
Oh, dear sisters, I graciously (well almost!) submitted to my husband and joined him in the yard to rake leaves. As I raked, I cried out to God to understand why my bread was so horrible, that Manuel would prefer to buy bread…I begged God to turn Manuel’s heart so I could return to the kitchen and be an ‘obedient” wife..
It was during this time of mumblings to God, that He spoke and He spoke so loudly in my spirit, that it literally woke me out of my stupor. “Deanne” I heard the Lord say, “Where in my Word do you see the commandment to bake fresh bread for Manuel?” “uh—Lord, its all over it! Why else would I do it?” “Deanne, what verses? It was then I realized I needed to do some serious “word searching”.
As I began to prayerfully seek His word, God lead me to 3 very important verses… Ephesians 5:22 Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 1 Peter 3:1 likewise, wives be submissive to your own husbands… Colossians 3:18 Wives submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord Submit as to your OWN husband!
Oh dear sisters, I fell on my face in repentance! You see, I had read all these things of what a Godly woman should do, but I never considered asking Manuel what HIS priorities were! Please don’t think that I believe bread baking to be wrong. I don’t! I still bake bread on occasion, and Manuel enjoys my bread. Oh but dear sister, I had to learn to submit to my OWN husband. I had to take time to ask him what was important to him. It was my place as his “help meet” to find out what mattered to him and what he needed from me. In this situation, fresh baked bread was not a priority to him and I had taken the words of other women and made them the standard for Godly womanhood in my home. God tells us in His word that He calls us to submit to our OWN husbands.
So what does this look like?
First, we must prioritize our relationship with our husbands. There have been times that Manuel has asked me to go fishing with him…and I honestly did not want to or did not feel I had the time to go with him, but I graciously submitted. Why? Because he is my #1 earthly priority. Each one of us must make God our first priority in all things (Matthew 6:33) but immediately after God is our husbands.
Second, we must communicate with our husbands. We must ask them what their priorities are for us.
Many years ago, I began the simple exercise of asking Manuel daily 3 questions:
How can I pray for your day today?
What can I do to help you be successful today?
What can I do to make our home a refuge for you after a long day at work?
By simply LISTENING to our husbands, we will be empowered to become prayer warriors for them and will create a home that they will eagerly desire to come home to.
Third, we must seek God for strength to accept our husband’s responses to the above questions and to implement these things in our home. Beloved, some days, the words are husbands give to us may batter our pride, they may stretch us in our management abilities and they may even create anxiety in us, as they share struggles on the work front. Ah, but we must remember that we are not alone. God has gifted us to be the PERFECT help meet to OUR OWN husbands and He will strengthen us and enable us to meet their needs.
Love Deanne
