Praying for our husbands

Previously I talked about the importance of prioritizing our husbands…especially in OUR prayer lives.

We can easily accomplish this by asking our husbands 3 simple questions:

How can I pray for your day today?

What can I do to help you be successful today?  (We pray for our ability to work as an effective team member with our husbands)

What can I do to make our home a refuge for you after a long day at work?
(We pray for our home to be a refuge)

 While these effective questions will give you 3 “right now” areas to minister to your husband, there are also ways to significantly pray for him that you can incorporate into your weekly (or daily!) prayer life.

For me, I have found praying scripture for Manuel has been a special blessing—for him and for me.
C.H. Spurgeon wrote, “Do you see that the Lord’s promises have many fulfillments? They are waiting now to pour their treasures into the lap of those who pray. God is willing to repeat the biographies of His saints in us. He is waiting to be gracious and to load with His benefits (Psalm 68:19 KJV). Does this not lift prayer up to a high level?” (Spurgeon on Prayer and Spiritual Warfare)

So—praying wives—what Scriptures can you pray for your husband?

Here is a sampling of verses I pray for Manuel—

I would LOVE to hear what Bible verses you pray for your husbands. Please take a moment to leave a comment (this is a moderated blog, but all comments will be approved, except spam)

–be able to teach, temperate, manage household well, good manager of children and household (I Timothy 3:1-10; 12-13)

–Flee immortality (1 Corinthians 6:18)

–Lover of good; Upright, and hold fast to that which is good (Titus 1:6-9)

–Keep him from stumbling (Jude 24)

–Fill him with the knowledge of Your will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding so that he may walk in a manner worthy of You, to please You in all respects bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in knowledge of You (Colossians 1:9-12)

The Priority of the Marriage Relationship

Have you ever considered that YOU are on an assignment from God? If you chose to accept this assignment, you will be undertaking an assignment of the utmost importance—an assignment of stellar significance and great worth.

Your assignment?

Titus 2:4 “older women are to instruct the younger women to love their husbands”

 Take a moment and think back with me. Can you remember the day you first met your husband? Can you recall the place/time? Do you possibly remember what you were wearing? What he was doing or even wearing?  If you are like most women, you can easily recall the moment you first laid eyes on your man….You can recall the day, event, location and even possibly the clothes :-) In fact, you can probably even remember the flip flop your heart did!! You can remember your initial “WOW” followed by a sudden appearance of shyness and even awkwardness!
Can you also recall the first few dates as you began to spend time with your future husband? Recall the thrill you felt when he called? Recall the special care you took to get dressed for a date? Do you remember how eager you were to listen to his stories, and to spend time with him doing anything—just as long as you were together?

Ok, all together now…take a big sigh of relief!  Although this has been a great exercise in remembering the early thrill of being together, this is not necessarily the love talked about in Titus 2:4.

What does love mean? In this passage, the original language expands on what loving our husband is to look like. The word translated love expresses the idea of being fond of or affectionate to. One of the root words for love has the idea of being content with and having common interests!

Does that describe your relationship with your husband? Are you fond of him? Do you show affection to him? Are you content with him and not seeking to change him? Do you have common interests?

Today, I can answer Yes to each of these questions…but it wasn’t so long ago that I would not have been able to do so. Let’s take a minute and look at each question individually.

Are you fond of your husband?

In the 1828 dictionary, fond is defined as foolishly tender and loving; doting; much pleased.

Are you fond of your husband? Are you “foolishly” tender and loving toward him? Are you much pleased with him?

In my relationship with Manuel, I find that to be “foolishly” tender and loving, I must make a deliberate decision to be attentive to him, and especially to “touch him”. Early in our Christian experience, we did a marriage enrichment class that studied the “Five Love Languages” by Gary Smalley. If you are not familiar with this book, I highly recommend it! Interestingly, Manuel’s main love language is touch. This was very difficult for me, as I am the polar opposite—I don’t like to be touched, hugged, etc. However, I learned in our class, that if I wanted my husband to “feel loved” and respected, it was vital that I speak his (love) language. Although it took much practice and prayer, today, I enjoy holding hands with Manuel at home and in public, enjoy hugging him and even appreciate when he puts his arm around my shoulders when we are out.

 Do you show affection to him?

As I shared above, showing affection was something I had to work at in my relationship with my husband. Not all men are like to be “touched” in public, but most will enjoy it in privacy of your own home. I encourage you to take time to ask your husband what shows affection to him. In my previous post, “I shared about how God opened my eyes to the truth that I am called to submit to my husband and not what another man (husband) requires. This principle applies to submission and to affection.

Seek your own husband’s input and if you have not read The Five Love Languages, I greatly encourage you to!

 Are you content with him?

Uh-oh! Contentment is most definitely not a favorite word for many of us. But it is included in how we love our husbands! Oh dear sister, are you content with your husband? Are you grateful for him? Are you pleased with him?

As I learned to love my husband according to God’s way, I found that to be truly content with my man I had to make a conscious decision to be thankful and grateful to God for him. Yes, he still does things that make me crazy, and no, he is not perfect. But I am so grateful for him and pleased to call him mine!
 Carole Lombard, once said while married to Clark Gable; “Clark Gable is no Clark Gable at our house!” and ladies our husbands will not always be “Clark Gable”, but we can still be content with them and grateful to God for the man He has blessed us with.

Do you have common interests? 

For years, I did not feel this was truly important, but the longer I am married, the more I see it as vital to our relationship with our husbands. You see, dear one, in just a few short years (believe it or not!) your children will be grown and possibly out of your home. One day, you will wake up and realize that the only one that is present to share the joys and sorrows of each day is the man you have married. It has broken my heart to see so many homeschool marriages fall apart after the children have grown. Many homeschool moms have placed their children and homeschooling above their husbands and marital relationships. Oh, this must not be. Our children are a tremendous gift from God to us…but our husband is a greater gift. Through our marital bonds, we have become one with our husbands, not our children. Yes, we must love our children and train them up in the ways of the Lord….but we must prioritize our relationship with our husband. As we make our marital relationship a priority, we must seek out common interests. What does your husband enjoy? Go along and do that activity with him. For us, my husband loves to fish…and I have learned to love to fish the past several years. He also greatly enjoys music (playing guitar and learning to play the piano; Christian concerts; listening to music)

And I have chosen to enjoy his musical lifestyle alongside him. Over the years, I have found that not everything he enjoys I share. For instance, Manuel also loves to roller-skate, and if you have ever seen me on skates…you will know recognize that this is not a passion of mine (I tend to like my bones unbroken!) and that is ok…Prioritizing and loving our husbands does not mean we are with them 24/7 and that everything they do, we must also do. It does however, mean that we must actively seek spending time with them—and enjoy them!

 As homeschooling Moms, it can be difficult to set aside this type of time to spend with your husbands. However, it is something we must chose to prioritize! IF it means, our children must drop one activity from their overcrowded schedules, or if it means, we must buy a loaf of bread at the store, then so be it. Relationship building takes time and we must invest this time to fulfill our assignment from God.

In his book, A Minute of Margin, Dr. Richard Swenson, states, “Relationships do not just happen. If you go out into a garden and simply throw seeds on the top of the ground—no tilling, no planting of the seeds, no weeding, no watering, no fertilizing, no nurturing—then you will not have a crop to harvest. Relationships are just like a garden. They require nurturing if they are to grow, and this means the investment of time and energy.”

Begin to invest yourself now…nurture your marriage and husband..and see the beautiful relationship God will grow!

Deanne’s dose of marital reality….

I remember it like it was yesterday…but actually it was 5 years ago….

 It was a gray, breezy, cold day in October. Manuel and the kids were out raking leaves in our 1.7 acre wooded lot. I was in my kitchen; wearing my favorite apron (a Mother’s Day gift from a couple years before—it featured multiple hand prints of my children). The smell of freshly ground whole wheat bread baking in the oven wafted through the air. Oh yes, I will never forget that day. You see, it was the day that my darling husband broke my heart!

What on earth did he do that day that broke my heart? It’s funny  NOW to look back upon it and remember my hurt, my reaction and yes even my anger. But,you see, I had been conditioned. Like many of you, I had read all the books, and internet websites and blogs that told me exactly what I needed to do, to be a good helpmeet to my husband. I knew that baking fresh made bread was one of the most important things a Godly wife and mother did for her family.

 My darling husband, well you see, he didn’t read the same books I had, and he hadn’t read the same blogs I had…no, he actually had a whole different perspective!

Long drawn out sigh—But alas, onto my story

 Here I stand, basking in the glory of being a domestic goddess. The aroma from the bread was heavenly, the whisper mill was washed, and I was much like a Cheshire cat—mighty pleased with myself I was! Into my kitchen domain walks my darling Manuel. “Honey” he says, in a sweet, yet slightly frustrated voice, ‘Do you think you could come outside and help us rake these leaves. There is a supposed to be a storm tonight and I really want them raked and burned before the rain” “But sweet heart” I protested, “Did you notice this amazing “made from scratch” bread I have prepared you. I plan to fix you a nice sandwich with fresh baked bread now.” Then came the words, that cut me to the quick, “But honey, I really need you outside with me. I love your bread I really do, but if you could help me, I would gladly go to the store and buy you a couple loaves of bread”.

BUY bread….sputter, sputter…why that is akin to blasphemy!

 Oh, dear sisters, I graciously (well almost!) submitted to my husband and joined him in the yard to rake leaves. As I raked, I cried out to God to understand why my bread was so horrible, that Manuel would prefer to buy bread…I begged God to turn Manuel’s heart so I could return to the kitchen and be an ‘obedient” wife..

 It was during this time of mumblings to God, that He spoke and He spoke so loudly in my spirit, that it literally woke me out of my stupor. “Deanne” I heard the Lord say, “Where in my Word do you see the commandment to bake fresh bread for Manuel?” “uh—Lord, its all over it! Why else would I do it?” “Deanne, what verses? It was then I realized I needed to do some serious “word searching”.

 As I began to prayerfully seek His word, God lead me to 3 very important verses… Ephesians 5:22 Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 1 Peter 3:1 likewise, wives be submissive to your own husbands… Colossians 3:18 Wives submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord Submit as to your OWN husband!

Oh dear sisters, I fell on my face in repentance! You see, I had read all these things of what a Godly woman should do, but I never considered asking Manuel what HIS priorities were! Please don’t think that I believe bread baking to be wrong. I don’t! I still bake bread on occasion, and Manuel enjoys my bread. Oh but dear sister, I had to learn to submit to my OWN husband. I had to take time to ask him what was important to him. It was my place as his “help meet” to find out what mattered to him and what he needed from me. In this situation, fresh baked bread was not a priority to him and I had taken the words of other women and made them the standard for Godly womanhood in my home. God tells us in His word that He calls us to submit to our OWN husbands.

So what does this look like?

First, we must prioritize our relationship with our husbands. There have been times that Manuel has asked me to go fishing with him…and I honestly did not want to or did not feel I had the time to go with him, but I graciously submitted. Why? Because he is my #1 earthly priority. Each one of us must make God our first priority in all things (Matthew 6:33) but immediately after God is our husbands.

Second, we must communicate with our husbands. We must ask them what their priorities are for us.

Many years ago, I began the simple exercise of asking Manuel daily 3 questions:

 How can I pray for your day today?

 What can I do to help you be successful today?

 What can I do to make our home a refuge for you after a long day at work?

By simply LISTENING to our husbands, we will be empowered to become prayer warriors for them and will create a home that they will eagerly desire to come home to.

 Third, we must seek God for strength to accept our husband’s responses to the above questions and to implement these things in our home. Beloved, some days, the words are husbands give to us may batter our pride, they may stretch us in our management abilities and they may even create anxiety in us, as they share struggles on the work front. Ah, but we must remember that we are not alone. God has gifted us to be the PERFECT help meet to OUR OWN husbands and He will strengthen us and enable us to meet their needs.

Love Deanne

Marriage and Homeschooling

Where are you today ladies?

 Do you look across the table at the man you married with adoring eyes? Or with distrust? Discouragement? Or even wonder “Who is this man?”

Being a part of the “homeschool movement” for the past several years, I have met women who have had all of the responses (and yes at times, I have even had each of these response over the course of 20 years of marriage!)

My heart has been broken as I see veteran homeschool moms graduate their children, and are left with not only an empty nest, but also an empty marriage. Many women finish their child raising years, only to look across the dining room table at their husbands and do not know them; or even worse, they don’t love them or even like them!!

Today, I would like to begin sharing some insights the Lord has graciously blessed me with in the realm of having a Godly marriage. My plan is to discuss different areas the Lord has taught me in several posts to make it more meaningful. However, to begin, I would like to share our story: Manuel and I met in 1988, we were not Christians at the time, and neither of us had been raised in a Christ honoring home. We married within a year and to be honest, I “wore the pants” in our family. I am a first born, very driven, a “natural born” leader and at the time was quite successful in my professional nursing career. Manuel on the other hand, was the “baby” of the family and had been raised in a very lenient home, one that allowed him great freedoms and minimal rules. Our marriage was good, we loved one another and sought to make one another happy. Through the early years of our marriage, God blessed us with 2 children. To be honest, Manuel was much happier than I was at the prospect of being parents, and was honestly, a far more loving parent than I was. However, as the stress of working, parenting and simply giving up our “FUN, Life is a party” lifestyle, we began to experience marital tensions. As we neared our 7 year of marriage, things began to be strained. It was at this point, that 2 events happened, that truly hardened my heart to my husband. After the 2nd episode of weekend partying, I simply asked Manuel to leave. I had determined that I would not raise *my* children in such an environment. Oh, how I praise God for His mercy and grace. Manuel turned back and begged a second chance, and which point, I said “yes, but we will find a Church or Pastor or something” (please remember neither of us had a Christian upbringing) We started attending a small Church where our children were in daycare. After a couple weeks, Manuel came home from work, greatly excited—he was working for a customer who had witnessed to him. This customer shared the power of Jesus in her own life, and in the Church’s small groups that she was attending. She then invited us to join her and her husband at Church. We attended the following Sunday and were simply blown away. There was such a loving, accepting atmosphere. Not in accepting our sin, but in accepting us as sinners. We felt loved and accepted. The worship music was provided by a team of musicians (contemporary) with the words projected on the wall. This simply amazed us, as at the time, Manuel played guitar and was into heavy metal music.  As  we left, the first service and walked away, we were  totally speechless…we didn’t know what had just happened, but God did!!

Manuel and I decided to check out this Church again the following week. During the worship music, I sat stunned as my husband began to weep and fled for the altar. He simply was a broken man. Oh Praise Jesus! My husband accepted Christ that day and immediately was set free from his cravings for alcohol and the party lifestyle. Oh dear sister, I was in awe of this man I married. The transformation was amazing. My personal salvation experience happened months later. For me, it was simply the attitude I had that was quite like a Pharisee: I truly believed Manuel was the one with all the problems. I was a good person, I didn’t drink, loved my family, tried to do the right things for them and others. Oh but God has a completely different view of “goodness” doesn’t He?

As I saw Manuel’s transformation, Holy Spirit began to show me that “all my good things was as filthy rags to Him”. I began to see that I truly had a wicked heart, with evil thoughts and deeds. Six months later, I was a broken woman. As I look back on my life, I truly recognize that I was much like the woman at the well (John chapter 4). Although I only had one husband, I had spent my life, “looking for love in all the wrong places”. I sought satisfaction, acceptance, love and wholeness in a variety of pursuits and it was only when the Messiah showed Himself to me, that I realized that only He could fulfill my every longing.

 But this is only part of our story! You see, I had “wore the pants” in our family for many years. The LORD had a lot to teach this stubborn woman about Godly marriage, submission and even parenting. It was through this time that I learned life changing lessons, but in the process, I also learned the hard lesson of listening to Holy Spirit and not trying to become a godly wife through fleshly efforts (Galatians 3:3) and it is bits of this journey I would like to share with you over the next couple of weeks. As I share, I would love to hear a bit of your journey and story. Please feel free to leave me comments (yes it is moderated, although I do approve everything except spam!) God Bless you sisters, as you seek to Glorify God in your marriages!!